The Miracle Question

It was one of my first therapy sessions, and I was spiraling.

I had worked myself up about everything that was frustrating me–my mood, my family, my job, my body, my mind, my depression, my anxiety, my lack of motivation, my loans….the list went on and on.

My therapist stopped me. “Have you ever heard of the miracle question?”

I was slouched in my chair, completely defeated. “No,” I sniffed, “What’s that?”

My therapist looked me straight in the eyes: “Olivia, let’s pretend I can perform a miracle. If you woke up tomorrow and everything in your life was fixed, and all your worries were gone, what would your life look like?”

Just thinking about the answer made me cry. Envisioning the life I could have, but currently didn’t, hurt me to my core. I was so far from where I wanted to be, and I felt like the work to get myself to the life I wanted would truly take nothing short of a miracle.

“Well,” I began, “I wouldn’t be depressed.”

“That’s a good start. Keep going.”

So I kept going. Miracle Me would have a stronger relationship with her parents; Miracle me would be a better daughter. Miracle Me would be working at a kick ass job, making kick-ass money. She’d be using every ounce of her creativity to be build an impactful and beautiful blog. She’d spend more time with her friends, she’d have her own place. And she wouldn’t have anxiety; she wouldn’t fear living out her values. Miracle Me would be living the life she wanted.

My therapist prompted me, “So why can’t you have that?”

“Because I’m not a miracle worker.”

My therapist pushed back. “Everything you listed is partly or completely under your control. You can be a better daughter, you could have that dream job and you will make that money. You are building your blog every week, and you have plans to move out. You’re in therapy; you’re not going to be depressed or anxious forever. We’re working through your hangups, and you’re getting all the skills you need to feel confident to actively participate in your life again. You don’t need a miracle.”

You don’t need a miracle.

I shifted in the purple armchair; all of the sudden I was really uncomfortable. A knot formed in my stomach, and my throat tightened. You don’t need a miracle.

I absolutely didn’t need a miracle; but I craved one. If a miracle was the only thing that would fix my life, then I could sit back and let my life happen to me, because only divine intervention or some wild twist of fate could fix everything that wrong. No amount of actions, therapy, money, or writing could ever change my life if I needed a miracle. But I didn’t need a miracle. I just wanted off the hook for playing a major role in perpetuating my unhappiness.

I told my therapist what I was thinking. “It’s easier to just blame the universe than actually admit I’m causing a lot more of my problems than I thought. It’s really hard admitting I could fix my life; that I’m the only one standing in my way.”

“Well good news,” my therapist said with enthusiasm, “we’re going to teach you how to get out of your own way. Therapy is already getting you back on the right track–you’re going to get to the life you want.”

So if you you feel like your life isn’t what you want, and you think you need a miracle, you actually might just need a talented therapist.